Wednesday, September 21, 2005

La la land

I am out in la la land today. I woke up feeling well-rested, and drove to work the same way. But when I got here my brain got overloaded fast and I feel like it is now spilling over and I can't keep a thought straight.

Family - Got word from an aunt that she is loving having my brother and his family near her such that she knows food preferences of the little ones. Frankly, I am extremely jealous and still angry that he moved. He was hours away, now he is a plane ride away.

Friends - A couple of friends are bugging me to get involved in something I am not sure I want to do. They say its fun and I will have a good time, and are doing everything in their power to try and get me to go and facilitate a good time for me. One would think I would be grateful (and upon reading what I just wrote, I am thinking I may be acting somewhat asinine) but I am just getting more and more annoyed at being pushed. My significant other is one of the ones pushing too, which does not help. On the plus side, my girl-friend is easygoing about it, saying try it and if I have a good time stay, if I don't just walk away. This is the attitude I am taking, but the people encouraging me to go don't need to know that. It would only begin a debate that I just don't want to, or need to, have. They would then believe that I had already made my decision, which I have not. The point is I am NOT SURE. The jury is out. So I am going to get my feet wet and see how the water is before I decide if I am going in all the way, or walking away.

Significant other - Being very nice to me the past few days. Even when I was away for the weekend, which he has a special pet peeve about. He has developed this idea that because I am up for just about any social activity other than staying home sitting on my ass, that means that any chance I have to get away from HIM is one that I jump at. I often either WANT TO say yes, or I DO say yes to the social activities to which I get invited. My phone is not ringing off the hook or anything (I should say, my e-mail box is not in danger of reaching its limit.) This summer, things picked up for me, don't ask me why, I am just that cute and popular. Seriously though, how can I explain why? Should I even HAVE to? So if I get invited to something every month, what is the big deal?! Well part of the deal is that he and I do not have all the same friends. We do share some of the same friends, but not all. In fact he had a very serious falling out with some of the people I still call friends. So he avoids some social situations anticipating that one of those people may be in attendance. Some of those are ones I am invited to. Maybe I am a bad partner, but I don't feel like I should have to curb my social life just because he doesn't want to come! Unfortunately, for me, he is not one of those "take one for the team" kind of partners, who would be okay with me going as long as I get him back on something, return the favor. This applies when he goes WITH me to something he does not want to go to, or when I go somewhere without him and he doesn't want me to go. The moment we arrive, he is asking when we can leave. He says this is for "planning purposes" but it CLEARLY says to me, "I want to leave as soon as humanly possible; NOW, if we can!" When I go somewhere that he is not thrilled about me going, he asks me when I will be home. I could be honest and say that I will be home late, that I don't intend to make a time to come home, that I will stay as long as I want to, that it depends on who is there and how much fun it is. But none of those answers are "acceptable" for him. He thinks I should be able to be "mature" and commit to a time when I will leave, regardless of what is going on. I have tried the above responses, and he argues with me on them, usually retorting with concerns of me sleeping the following day away and not having any time to spend with me since I will be sleeping in after my night out. He does not ASK me if I would be willing to get up earlier to spend time with him, he just assumes that I would not want to. Even when I offer to do this, he argues with me, saying that if I would just get home earlier, we would not have to deal with that at all.

Okay, wow, I have gone off on a tangent there (this subject needs its own post!) The reason behind the tangent is because October is shaping up to be the social month extraordinaire. One weekend I will be away and another, earlier weekend I have at least two, if not three, social things potentially lined up. Plus two times a week I have a meeting to go to, which is voluntary and social in nature as well. So we are bound to have this argument soon, maybe even tonight. Mind you, one weekend I will be away WITH him. But he will discount that as being in the same place doing separate things. Or find some other way to discount it. Did I mention he is passive-aggressive??

Home - I have several things to do in and around my house. Some regular maintenance and cleaning related, some more major maintenance related. I have to try to make time for that somehow, when presently I get home from work after dark and not all my weekends are free. My S.O. works most weekends now and he is resistant to doing major maintenance without me present. As I am having guests this weekend, there are several things that need to get done, and I am going to get little help from him, so I am going to have to schedule this all in before Friday.

Other - On top of all that, I am writing a document that is due at the end of next weekend (Oct 2nd) and it is lengthy, so I have to try and fit that in with everything else, including overdue bills and renewal of driving related things.

No wonder my brain is scrambled! I wish those commercials were real...the ones where they would say, "Calgon, take me away!!!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

My place isn't Calgon Land, but you're welcome here anytime--with me present or not!